Looking for possible ways to lessen conflicts in your relationship? It often seems like the fights that we have with our partner repeats themselves again after sometime. These are the things that make us tick.
Well, I could like to introduce you to reliable sources of advice, couples who have been married for many years and resolving arguments for many years than many of you have lived. My interviews with many people who have been married for more than 50 years, revealed important “trade secrets” to keep simple disagreements from becoming major fights.
Next time you are about to have an argument in your relationship, try the following three tips that have been drawn from relationship expert.
1. Choose the correct time to talk
The right time to talk about an issue in a relationship is the time we desire to have a discussion about it. This will make it seem like it is an urgent issue that require to be solved as soon as possible.
Regrettably, that can surprise our partners at since this may be the incorrect time for her or him. You should pay close attention to your partner’s level of energy, mood and degree of distraction just before you start a discussion to solve that problem.
Leona, a woman aged 67, considered this tip, and the conflicts that she and her partner had were highly reduced. During an interview she explained the discovery to me in simple words. My husband is a morning person, I am an evening person, so we questioned ourselves,’what time is best for us to have a discussion about our disagreements?’
The outcome saw Leona and her husband regroup after work, before it is too late. It appears so simple, however it is profound practical.
2. Take a break from each other
When things are not going the way you expected them to go in a discussion, just take a break. Many elders agree that it is a difficult lesson to learn. Is there a relationship that has never experienced the following conversation?
PARTNER ONE: “I could not like to discuss this any longer now. I want a break”
PARTNER TWO: “Oh don’t, we are going to fix up this now, what you need is to stay here!”
When we have an issue with the person we love, it creates a lot of sense we always desire to fix it as soon as possible. However the strategy worsens the situation. What you require is a tactical retreat.
Jack, a man aged 70, discovered that when a conflict occurs in his relationship, controlling his anger may be a serious problem. His solution is taking a break from the situation just before it rises. He explained this to me with self-awareness and courage.
I have got a horrible anger. So I have discovered that I should keep my mouth closed, since when I get annoyed, I can say things that upset people’s feelings. So I have to go outside and walk around in the garage and let everything come back to normal. Then I go back and try to have a discussion about it. When nobody is annoyed comeback and try to discuss it. That is my recommendation.
Some couples even created their own “time out” phrase, Like “Break lime!” or “Let’s zoom out”. Other couples may even make their own”time out” expression, such as “let’s zoom out” or even “Break lime” you can give this a try. But remember the expression does not mean that “it’s over.” Instead it gives permission to comeback when the right time comes.
3. Try a sandwich.
This is a piece of advice I didn’t expect, but when I heard it from the elders, my immediate reaction was why I never thought about it. But it appears obvious for me now. When we are seeking communication helpers, a few of us think of food.
But, when questioned how they stop a major conflict, a greater number of married couples suggested offering your partner something to consume. They said that arguments are likely to get out of hand when one partner is hungry. They suggested that when a big fight starts, then the immediate answer may be a sandwich or a delicious meal.
Gloria, a woman aged 73, narrated to me the following story:
My son’s first year of marriage was very complicated. However, they learned many interesting things. For example, whenever a fight broke up, his wife could make my son a sandwich because there is nothing that satisfies him more. He could say to her “I need a sandwich when I act this way because I am hungry.” And sometimes when she got out of control, he could offer her a cup of tea.
Surely, this suggestion is not a cure, but you should give it a try: a piece of toast, a bowl of granola or even avocado. Not only are they are not expensive but they are probably more fun.
And there’s a huge lesson here to pay attention to timing, even when you are aware that it’s time to eat. Above all, it’s paying attention and mindfulness that are the greatest conflict-busters. According to the elders, what you say is not as important as how you say it.